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Borderline:
Learn and understand
And if you have the feeling that everything is falling apart right now, stay calm.
It just re-sorts.
(unknown)
Borderline Personality Disorder: How Does It Feel To Live With It?
"Borderline personalities are the psychological equivalent of third-degree burns. They have no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch can cause enormous suffering. "
(Marsha Linehan)
This very apt quote comes from Marsha Linehan, founder of dialectical-behavioral therapy and author of the book "Building a life worth living" . She herself suffered from borderline personality disorder and was considered a hopeless case. In a clear moment, she thought: "I am going to get myself out of this hell to get others out of this hell ." Her form of therapy is specially designed for borderline patients. In What is borderline, I describe this and other therapies in more detail.
The following video "I AM BORDERLINE" touches me very much and shows very well what it means to live with a borderline disorder. You might want to play it for people who don't understand what's going on with you (if you want them to understand you).
Why I did a lot of research into my personality disorder
Sometimes I felt that death was easier, that life would only bring pain and that it would never get better. My healing has come in small steps. It still takes time, patience and a lot of mindfulness.
I encourage you to take these steps. Like me, you will learn to deal with borderline better. I have been helped by therapists and very special people who have shown me that I can trust and respond differently to hurt.
Behind my immense aggression there was actually a tremendous sadness because I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I felt so wrong in this world, wrong in my body. I felt so alone and misunderstood, so empty and broken. Nobody could tell me what was wrong with me, I just felt there was something wrong with me.
I want you to know - you are not alone, there are many of us. With my website I want to encourage you and show you: You can learn to live with a borderline personality disorder .
What particularly helped me was to find out more about borderline. It is a disorder and requires a lot of care and a lot of know-how on how to deal with it. Get to know borderline to see who YOU are and what the disorder is.
What information you can find on the sub-pages about BPD
On the bottom "What is borderline" there are questions that I am asked frequently - each researched with sources and supplemented by personal experience. I'm planning another part: relatives of people with borderline personality disorder. My close environment was a great support for me and always gave me feedback on how I appeared "from the outside".
The feedback from outside helped me a lot to understand where I am at. I often thought, great - I'm absolutely normal today. Then people came up to me, shocked, and asked why I had such mood swings today, whether it was normal. Maybe, if you dare and if you have people whom you really trust, you can ask every now and then: You, how do I look right now ?
It wasn't long ago that I regularly asked whether, from the outside, I appeared as I perceived myself. I find it sad that I or we need that sometimes. And it will often hurt a lot. Yet it was important for me to get to know me and Borderline better and thus separate from each other. There is "I" - I now know that I am lovable - and there is the "borderline personality disorder", in which there is still a lot of destructive behavior, fear, aggression and grief.
My motivation for (over)living with borderline
Perhaps the thought that sometimes carried me will help you: Just because I didn't get what I needed in my childhood, I won't let anyone rob me of my right to a good life. I am finally demanding the life I deserve. Taking responsibility has always had such a negative connotation for me. It sounded like so much work. In my therapy last year, I was able to redefine it for myself:
By taking responsibility for myself, I can look after myself like a child - lovingly! I can look at myself and make the best of everything. Now, when I'm given the choice, I choose the best biscuit. I sleep in the softest bed with the nicest sheets, and I indulge in everything that is good for me and makes me feel good. This could be a relaxing walk in the woods, a good book, or talking to my therapist or a friend. Learning to take care of myself has been very healing for me!
If you suspect that you are affected by a borderline personality disorder, do the self-test. Important: The result is not a diagnosis, but can be an indication and asks about the symptoms of the personality disorder.
All the best,
your Johanna
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